Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year & Farewell Resolutions!!!!!!!!

The last day of the year and the decade is upon us. In a short time the world begins a new decade. We all have hopes and dreams that the year & decade coming will bring us happiness, health, love, and a smaller ass. Are New Years resolutions intellectually dishonest? Is there a difference between placing our desires of change on a arbitrary date, and the hope of a better tomorrow? I think it is and there is.

  Personally I do not think a flick in the calender and a change in a four digit number is reason to promise ourselves and others change. If we are really serious about making change in our lives we would do it today even if today was March 9th. For generations the tradition of New Years resolutions have festered in us, giving us a out not to mark our lives with change the rest of the year. A 364 day free pass as it were. If I were honest with my self and i wanted a smaller ass i would have done it months ago before it eclipsed the moon. A date on a calender is not a point where we decide to grow, we should strive for this everyday. Every single day we should make some resolution to change ourselves in order to change the world.

 New Years for me is a time of reflection, a place where I can see my successes and failures of a year. Reflection is more important than resolutions because without knowing where we can from we cannot grow. Not knowing who i was last month, leaves me crippled to change myself for the better in the next.

No New Years Resolutions for me today, only a desire to grow as a person tomorrow with what i learned about myself today. The only way we can change the world is if we grow as humans and members of a global community.

 Some of you may say, “Steven you must have some regrets from last year”. No I do not...... Even my health issues are only a cog in my personal growth. To regret the past only shrouds it in darkness. The only way I grow is through light and vision. So regrets are more malignant than the cancer in me to my soul.

Remember friends New Years Resolutions are Expectations and today's expectations are tomorrows resentments.........

I wish everyone a happy & healthy New Year full of wonderment, joy, love and adventure. I hope in the coming days we all find a little more peace, a little more tolerance, a little more of ourselves.

I love my friends, family and I will try today to Love strangers as well as myself a little more.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The New Year's Badger's Breakdown of Disturbing Trends of 2009

The New Year's Badger is ripe with the musk of piss & vinegar that was the year of our baby jebus 2009. I will write tomorrow on the good trends and events of 2009. But first I must dissect the year of Ass Hattery that was 2009. And 2009 was a vintage year of ass hats & weirdness. It must be because we are close to the end of the world in 2012 as saith the Maya.

So without further ado i bring you 2009 a twisted year in review!!

The Year of the Clown Car Vagina! 2009 was a banner year for trash bringing more life into the world to grow up fucked up more than Lindsey Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen & Amy Winehouse on a vacation in Columbia. Jan 2009 brought us the Octomom, a vagina so large it has its own Congressional district, Then we were introduced to the Duggars, 18 fucking kids!!! I think she has the ovaries of salmon....

Moving on to Politics: Both here North of the Border and down in the USA there were a gaggle of political ass hats. Lets start in British Columbia. Good ol' Gordon Campbell some how this fuck was re-elected even though no one i talk to will admit to voting for him. BC politics would give New orleans politics a run for it's money on the corruption scale. But at least in NO you can drink all night and see boobies for beads, Gordo sold out our lovely little home to any friend with money he had.
 In the States, well as usual it was a cluster fuck. So i will only say a few words because if i go into depth i will be writing for the whole year. So I will just name names, Sarah Palin (Mooselini) how can this woman get a book deal, for fucks sake. Joe Leiberman ( complete fuck) a senator who does not want Americans to get free healthcare. oh he is owned by insurance companies, mother fucker....

 Disturbing TV trends 2009:
  • Hoarders & Intervention on A&E, because watching mentally ill people falling apart is entertainment. I can only watch 5 minutes of Hoarders before i have to change the channel. 
  • American Idol / talent / dance/ BULLSHIT!!! horrible tv for talentless people watched by people with not taste. They are the chicken nuggets of TV........
  • Michal Jackson's Death and 3 month Funeral.... I am sure if he was just another guy in your hood on  a sex offenders list you would not watch him on TV. A year ago he was a social outcast a virtual leper. He dies of a overdoese and he becomes the second coming of Jebus...
  • Glee, started off strong and turned into HS musical. it needs to change or die!!!
  • John & Kate, these two are really made for each other. I hope they make up. Christ she is a evil overlord shrew and he is a spineless douchebag. How the hell did they get a show.... oh yes Oprah interviewed them that is why. So FUCK YOU OPRAH and come out of the closet already.
Disturbing Fashion Trends 2009;
  • John Hardy clothing.... It amazes me that that people still buy / wear this crap it screams i beat women and sleep with family.
  • Crocs yup still around and still shitty., Just walk into the Croc store on Robson St. the chemical fumes that fill the store waft outside like some retail Bophal 
  • Finally the stores that do not sell clothes for normal people who actually eat, yes i am talking to you Lululemon, H&M, A.E. your customer base will all be in intensive care in two years then what will you do?
Disturbing Vancouver 2009:
  •  The Sellling of our  City to VANOC
  • More horrible Lounges in Yaletown & Granville St. ( we need more bars & live music)
  • The closing of the petting zoo in Stanley Park & The Blodeil Observatory but we can spend millions Consultant fees and focus groups so we can have a bike lane on the Burrard St Bridge.
  • The Skunk Plague in the West End! i counted 22 different skunks one night. 
  • The Fact that it is cheaper to rent a car drive to Seattle fly from Seattle to Toronto than it is to fly from YVR. 
 Oddness in my life 2009!!

 This has been a odd year for me on many levels. Not all bad but really odd.
  • I was in Iran during the elections for 14 hours til they tossed me out
  • Swine Flu!!!!
  • Was fondled by a stranger in Osaka on a train
  •  Spent 2 months is Sunny Afghanistan 
  • Discovered I like Candied Yams (who would have guess it)
  • bought a boat
  • Was and is being sued by the Church (Cult) of $cientology
  • Cancer
 This is just a smattering of the odd and distressing things of 2009. And After tomorrow the New Year's Badger is retired til the end of 2010. I will post a happy post tomorrow so stay tuned.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas from The X-Mas Badger

Hello all time for my 1st Annual Holiday blog posting, if I am alive or not in prison next year I hope to follow up on a theme.
  The holidays have always been bitter sweet to me, from my rabid jealousy of my non Jewish friends over x-mas trees and holiday cheer, to what to me was a loss of x-mas with the lose of family & friends. Hence the X-mas Badger, he arrived this year to spray the world with his bah humbug musk. And welcoming others to join in his anti x-mas weaseling.
 But alas you all tamed the Xmas badger. Well not completely he will still roam in search of booze, women of questionable moral fiber and cheese. But he was moved this year by the support of friends and strangers alike.
 As most of you know I have Cancer, basically a cancer hat trick one turned into three different varietals. I hit the healthcare lottery.
 One of my visiting friends is of a rare type, and scares the musk out of the X-mas badger and myself. But fret none of you. I am determined to fight, and with humor and grace ( the only kind of grace I can muster. if you know me you will understand).

 So here is my Holiday gratitude list:

1) My Family, we may not be big but we are close & I love you so much I cannot even say.
2) My long Time friends, again distance may separate us but it has never severed our long time connections.
3) to my New Friends, I could not be making through these holidays without you. With unselfish warmth you have welcomed me into your homes and lives. My heart is truly full with your kindness. But a hooker would still be nice.

The X-Mas badgers wishes you all a joyous happy holidays & new year. If I could give you all anything it would be you being able to feel the love and support that you all gave me this year. So it is ok to embrace the X-mas badger in all of you, some more than others but I digress. I mean embrace life, love, fun & happiness. Follow you hearts, dreams, and stomach and you too will be full.

Merry Christmas,

The Happy X-Mas Badger.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Please Support Reading is Sexy!!!

I do not normally talk about or promote anything on my blog. But in case you have not heard my new friend and sexy chickie Emme Rogers has put together a calander to raise money and awareness for dyslexia.
 I love to read, it can free me from the daily abuse that life can throw at me and take me to magical places. For our youth books can inspire, educate, and heal. There are lots of worthy Charities in the world, but if no one reads no one will know. So i am proud to support Emme Rogers in her cause.
 The Calender also features models of all ages, sizes, and walks of life. It not only celebrates reading but it says everyone is sexy....and that is good.

 If you want to order a calender here is a link

and you can read the life of Emme Rogers on her blog:

Sunday, December 13, 2009

"The Thoughts of my Inner Owl"

It has been a dogs age since I have written anything as my life has been really odd as of late. But a nap, a dream and a song from one of my favorite singer songwriters gave me motivation to write.

 I have called my mind my inner owl, have for years. It can be wise, usually up all night and sees thing thru wide eyes. I usually struggle to write really personal stuff about myself. If i do they tend to be snarky in a way of softening the emotional blow on myself. But today my inner owl hooted....................

 As alot of my readers and friends know, i lost my wife, best friend and amazingly kind human being some years ago. Not a day goes by that i do not miss her. Having a best friend in which you share the kind of intimacy that we did is i feel rare. And in intimacy i do not mean sex, it is a deep connection between two humans. Sharing without judgement or motives. A deep kindness and understanding.
 I do have friends i share a deep intimacy with as in any relationship I have or seek it is very important to me to connect on many levels. I am very greatfull for these folks that I have in my life and new friends that I make on my life's journey.

 I have attempted to delve back into the dating world for awhile now. With little success, some heart breaks and alot of weirdness. But I am always fearful.. No I have never been a relationship junkie. I do not need one to feel full. But I do like them and who does not like being in a healthy relationship it feels pretty good...
 For a while now I have been celibate, by choice. I have not seeked to be with anyone. Friends are all I needed. My inner Owl hooted this to me. It has been great, freed from the fear, worry, and stress of dating. Lets face it dating sucks.....

 I have never been good at it. I am really good at relationships because that is what I know, and i do well. But dating scares the crap out of me. I am also lousy at reading women. Ok i am really lousy at reading women I am attracted to. My inner Owl heads to the Bahamas when I am around someone I am attracted to. I can read people well. It is a gift, almost a scary. I prefer the company of women as they make up most of my social circle. But get me around someone I like and poof I am rainman.

 My Owl hooted today...and now I understand. I am afraid of losing the memories I have had from my wife. That if i give my heart away somehow that love will disappear. It is ridiculous, but the Owl has hooted. I will no longer seek celibacy as a way of protecting my heart, my heart deserves better. But I will still not actively seek a partner. If by fate, luck, Karma whatever a person enters my life that gets me.. all of me then I will allow myself to love again. I know that Jay's Love will never leave me and that I can fit more into me. But I refuse to rush. My life may end before I have the opportunity to Love again. And that is ok too. My life is full, I am blessed with great friends. I guess my own moral to this story is Listen to the inner Hoots of your own Owls, and embrace life on it's own terms.

 My inner Owl was motivated by this Song From Nanci Griffith, Hoot Hoot!!!!!

Shut it down and call this road a day
And put this silence in my heart in a better place
I have travelled with your ghost now so many years
That I see you in the shadows
In hotel rooms and headlights
You're coming up beside me
Whether it's day or night
 These days my life is an open book
 Missing pages I cannot seem to find
 These days your face
 In my memory
 Is in a folded hand of grace against these times

No one's ever come between your memory and me
I have driven this weary vessel here alone
Will you still find me if I leave you here beside this road
Cuz' I need someone who can touch me
Who'll put no one above me
Someone who needs me
Like the air she breathes
(repeat chorus)
I can't remember where this toll road goes
Maybe it's Fort Worth, maybe it's a heart of gold
The price of love is such a heavy toll
That I've lived my life in the backroads
With your love in my pocket
If I spend the love you gave me
Tell me where will it go?
(repeat chorus)
These days your face
In my memory
Is in a folded hand of grace
Folded hand of grace
Folded hand of grace
Against these times