Wednesday, September 8, 2010
By now most of you know I am back in hospital after a attempted suicide. I am safe but still fragile and working hard on getting better. One of the things that has given me strength are my friends, without their support and love my recovery would be much harder and somewhat empty.
Friendships are very important to someone when they are ill and feel alone and undeserving of love and friendship. I am blown away at the support I have received, friends have visited, emailed, called and have taken me out. Some friends I have never met as they are from twitter or other social media and also their support is that of friends and has made a difference in my life. I am grateful, moved and emotional from all of everyone's support and good will.
It is not easy to be friends with someone who is Bipolar or any mental illness for that matter. We tend to leave a wake of personal destruction behind us in our journey. This is why for so long I chose to be alone, no one to hurt in my path, that loneliness sucked but it worked. Then I went and made friends in my community, and not only like them and respect them for who and what they are but I love them for the people they are and their endless capacity to love. And at the end of the all we really want is for some folks to love us.
Yet here I am to say that I violated my closest friend and I's relationship and trust by lying to her and her family. I because of some crappy early family issues mixed with my bipolar will when stressed, afraid, over tired will lie and I lied to them. This may forever change our friendship and I hope we can still have a friendship after mine and mine alone actions. They have while being hurt been supportive and that makes me feel very good but I am still very sad for the damage that I have done. I am now working with a therapist on these issues and hope to soon be rid of them and to be a even healthier person.
I am making a contract with all my friends that I will not lie to any of you and if I feel like i need to will tell you. I also am open and welcoming you all to call me on my shit.
Friendship is a two way street, you have all been so kind I feel I owe it to you all to be the best badger I can be and to be a person you can trust, rely on and to be worthy of your friendship and Love.