Friday, March 12, 2010
Recently "Agendas" have been discussed in my world, it would be foolish and naive to think that people do not have them. They are tools we use to maneuver our lives to bring us places we wish to go. Sometimes they are benign, simple transparent, open. Like when we invite people we like over for a gathering. We wish to surround ourselves with people we like. It makes us feel good, loved, welcomed and in doing so we hope it does the same for others. Healthy agendas are also when we are open with people giving advice when such advice is not always what they want to hear, because it creates trust and deepens personal intimacy. These benign agendas are two way streets symbiotic living things that deepen our collective relationships.
Then there are Malignant hidden agendas, dark, selfish tools to manipulate. People use these to control when they lack any real sense of personal intimacy. Hidden agenda damage people leave walls in their selfish wake. All for one's own insecurities, and needing to seem important without being selfless and kind. It is a shallow empty way to live, to interact with others.
These are serious symptoms of emotional dishonesty a way of creating a false connection with others, a inability to allow personal intimacy into ones daily life.
We are sometimes victims of "hidden agendas", left always wondering when the next shoe is going to drop. Keeping people from knowing us due to fear of trusting. Sometimes we are victims of being accused of having a "agenda" when we are simply nice or care about another in a open transparent way.
Is it jelousy that motivates this? Past emotional trauma? Who really knows it is most likely both, none or somewhere in the middle. But what i know is doing so on people who are kind, gentle giving souls is just evil as you will quickly turn them into walled fortresses not allowing anyone to enter, or only let in on a leash.
I have now choosen to distance myself from people who have them or assume everyone has them as this thought pattern is poison for my soul. I seek and need personal intimacy with others and this cannot grow in the shadow of this little known demon.