Friday, August 13, 2010
I am open about so much of my life and Mental Health here online and in public, yet I have had a Dirty Little Shameful Secret for a while now.. I had not been taking care of my home.
Because of the show "Hoarders" talking about this or admitting I had a problem was too difficult for me. As a result of my Physical Health and my Depression I had let my Apt become a mini episode of Hoarders. No mummified cats or wall eating goats, but it was to me a horror show. The problem is that the worse it gets the more depressed and stressed about it the more you live in some quasi denial and it gets worse. I have did not have people over my place, and hated myself in quiet torture. One of my best friends who had visited gave me a invervention and was not going to visit me unless I let her help me. In my Shame I was willing at first to lose this friendship rather than have her see my place in full and help me do what i could not do myself.
I am working on living a better life of mental wellness and I trust my friend emotionally so I agreed and today we made a huge dent in the clutter and dirt in my place. She told me it was not as bad as I thought it was and that made things much less anxiety ridden and I will say that I actually had fun. The job is not done there is still a lot of work to do but now I know it can be done. I had to write about this to be more open as that is a goal I am working on in my life. Today some of my personal feelings of shame were lifted thanks to a friend I could have lost because of it.