Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The New Year's Badger's Breakdown of Disturbing Trends of 2009

The New Year's Badger is ripe with the musk of piss & vinegar that was the year of our baby jebus 2009. I will write tomorrow on the good trends and events of 2009. But first I must dissect the year of Ass Hattery that was 2009. And 2009 was a vintage year of ass hats & weirdness. It must be because we are close to the end of the world in 2012 as saith the Maya.

So without further ado i bring you 2009 a twisted year in review!!

The Year of the Clown Car Vagina! 2009 was a banner year for trash bringing more life into the world to grow up fucked up more than Lindsey Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen & Amy Winehouse on a vacation in Columbia. Jan 2009 brought us the Octomom, a vagina so large it has its own Congressional district, Then we were introduced to the Duggars, 18 fucking kids!!! I think she has the ovaries of salmon....

Moving on to Politics: Both here North of the Border and down in the USA there were a gaggle of political ass hats. Lets start in British Columbia. Good ol' Gordon Campbell some how this fuck was re-elected even though no one i talk to will admit to voting for him. BC politics would give New orleans politics a run for it's money on the corruption scale. But at least in NO you can drink all night and see boobies for beads, Gordo sold out our lovely little home to any friend with money he had.
 In the States, well as usual it was a cluster fuck. So i will only say a few words because if i go into depth i will be writing for the whole year. So I will just name names, Sarah Palin (Mooselini) how can this woman get a book deal, for fucks sake. Joe Leiberman ( complete fuck) a senator who does not want Americans to get free healthcare. oh he is owned by insurance companies, mother fucker....

 Disturbing TV trends 2009:
  • Hoarders & Intervention on A&E, because watching mentally ill people falling apart is entertainment. I can only watch 5 minutes of Hoarders before i have to change the channel. 
  • American Idol / talent / dance/ BULLSHIT!!! horrible tv for talentless people watched by people with not taste. They are the chicken nuggets of TV........
  • Michal Jackson's Death and 3 month Funeral.... I am sure if he was just another guy in your hood on  a sex offenders list you would not watch him on TV. A year ago he was a social outcast a virtual leper. He dies of a overdoese and he becomes the second coming of Jebus...
  • Glee, started off strong and turned into HS musical. it needs to change or die!!!
  • John & Kate, these two are really made for each other. I hope they make up. Christ she is a evil overlord shrew and he is a spineless douchebag. How the hell did they get a show.... oh yes Oprah interviewed them that is why. So FUCK YOU OPRAH and come out of the closet already.
Disturbing Fashion Trends 2009;
  • John Hardy clothing.... It amazes me that that people still buy / wear this crap it screams i beat women and sleep with family.
  • Crocs yup still around and still shitty., Just walk into the Croc store on Robson St. the chemical fumes that fill the store waft outside like some retail Bophal 
  • Finally the stores that do not sell clothes for normal people who actually eat, yes i am talking to you Lululemon, H&M, A.E. your customer base will all be in intensive care in two years then what will you do?
Disturbing Vancouver 2009:
  •  The Sellling of our  City to VANOC
  • More horrible Lounges in Yaletown & Granville St. ( we need more bars & live music)
  • The closing of the petting zoo in Stanley Park & The Blodeil Observatory but we can spend millions Consultant fees and focus groups so we can have a bike lane on the Burrard St Bridge.
  • The Skunk Plague in the West End! i counted 22 different skunks one night. 
  • The Fact that it is cheaper to rent a car drive to Seattle fly from Seattle to Toronto than it is to fly from YVR. 
 Oddness in my life 2009!!

 This has been a odd year for me on many levels. Not all bad but really odd.
  • I was in Iran during the elections for 14 hours til they tossed me out
  • Swine Flu!!!!
  • Was fondled by a stranger in Osaka on a train
  •  Spent 2 months is Sunny Afghanistan 
  • Discovered I like Candied Yams (who would have guess it)
  • bought a boat
  • Was and is being sued by the Church (Cult) of $cientology
  • Cancer
 This is just a smattering of the odd and distressing things of 2009. And After tomorrow the New Year's Badger is retired til the end of 2010. I will post a happy post tomorrow so stay tuned.

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