Friday, October 30, 2009

"The State of my Dating"

 I have now not been in a relationship for 3 years. Yes I have dated here and there but have yet to find someone that A) is not insane or B) That thinks I am not insane. I know that dating is difficult and frustrating if not all those online dating sites would be broke. I have yet to subscribe to as the commercials frighten me. The glazed over doe eyes the "We fell in love right away" desperation and kids carnival ride music soundtrack leads me to believe that no matter what computer models they use to find my unique personality match. That they will have trouble finding a woman who likes badgers, beer, midget porn, celebrity toe nail clipping collecting  and also sharing my crush on Flo the progressive insurance commercial girl.
 Not that I have been dateless I have been on plenty of dates. Some very nice, with nice jobs, nice, homes, nice friends, nice hair...ect. just nice, with no passion. Or the other end of the spectrum, they hate and distrust men, sex, sex with men, books by men, their fathers, the fathers of any men, male babies as they will grow to eventually become men who will emotionally hurt or dispose of them. But they love ME!!!!! god how they love me.....
 So now I have a growing pile of restraining orders I have had to get, and a list of changed phone numbers that rivals the size of some small arctic villages phone books . I dispose of pay as you go cell phones more than the local pot dealers and human traffickers.

 Do I blame my city? to a point, yes.. Vancouver is filled with people who have a image of a image. When I meet or I am introduced to prospective mrs. mooses i get to hear, "Do you do the grouse grind?, i love it and do it all the time it makes me feel free." FUCK YOU, I do not run up mountains for fun, I ski because of gravity, I whitewater kayak because of gravity. I will not even run up a mountain if chased by bears or chased by bears who wish to violate me with other bears. I will run down the mountain. The grouse grind in this town is like a key to dating if you do not say you do or you actually do you are destined to be a looked at like a leper working at the MAC counter.
  I do go to Yoga but at the community centre and not at BIUIUT*YTRUYRU hot yoga palace. I also do not live for it but it does make me more flexible and helps my back.
  Where are the delightfully odd girls who are funny sexy and walk to the beat of their own drums? The girls who drink and cuss like a sailor who enjoy the outdoors minus running up hill. The ones who make no excuses for their oddities, who allow their damaged youth to be part of what makes them great not what they are trying to hide behind a veneer of luulemon yoga wear, prada sunglasses and a refusal to poke badgers.

 I met a nice girl online, fun, smart very very pretty, knows who she is baggage and all. But she lives in Toronto............Come one fun crazy Vancouver girls who like balding, drinking, smoking, cussing non up hill running nice guys who can cook, love to travel are kind to animals, likes to shop, geeky yet stylish and has a unhealthy addiction to Japadog.

1 comment:

  1. 3 years without a relationship and you're cranking about it? Ah, how I envy you!