"If Online Dating Profiles Were True" pt1

oLike so many people i have jumped into the world of online dating. One of the problems are that pictures do not always match what the profile says. So i am making an effort in the name of public service to clear up these misunderstandings;

"BOOBS"

likes: my boobs, people looking at my boobs, inappropriate halter tops,  welfare checks, lurking for men on myspace.

Dislikes: Winter Clothes, Skinny Bitches!, using a fork, Jogging

Seeking: men who will respect me for who i am inside,,,NOT, you must worship my boobs

 

"CATS" 

Likes: Overplayed Broadway Musicals, Felines, Mascot costumes, Litter Box sex play, my 22 cats

Dislikes: Myself, people with self esteem, dogs, taxes on face paint, mice

Seeking: blind men, guys who like scratching posts, boys with sandpaper tongues, a ball of twine

 

"Narcoleptic"

 Likes: naps, pillows, drool, pajamas, dream interpretation, counting sheep

Dislikes: stimulation, walking & talking, conversation, long walks in the park, coffee

Seeking: a man who likes to snuggle, guys with king sized memory foam beds, mutes

 

"The Realtor"

Likes: Seeing my photo on business cards & bus stop benches, Over priced condos, $15 Dollar martinis

Dislikes: Renters, the mortgage crisis, the homeless, pictures of me in the real world

Seeking: Men with 800 fico scores, guys with flipable homes, men who drive sports cars, a soul

 

" Milf for Sale" 

Likes: Seeming desperate, prostitution, cats, bad personal choices, working at payless shoes

Dislikes: being divorced, days that are not halloween, my self respect, lack of affordable sex toys.

Seeking: men who see my lack of self respect as a bonus

 

"Look At Me!!"

LIkes: my reflection, not having any marketable skills, sex with 20 year olds, UFC, Ed Hardy shirts,   Me, and Me. and bulimia

Dislikes: clothing, eating, people who read, cotton, snow, night clubs that make me wait in line, paying for my own drinks and blow.

Seeking: Men who drive BMWs, Porsches, Hummers, Men with barbed wire tattoos, men who have issues with women, sexy ex-cons. my daughters ex boyfriends

Next installment the men of personal ads! it is only fair