"Did Your Crazy Person Take Their Meds Today"

 
One common theme in my life since I came out as "Crazy" to be not so politically correct is Stigma I get from friends and loved ones. I am aware that many times in my life, my behaviors, and actions have given for good reason people in my life to pause and think, "Well Steven is Bipolar so I expect him to be a fuck up". This is a tendency that a lot of people roll into when they have a friend or loved one living with a mental illness.

  The people around us tend to think that we will go bat shit crazy at every and any moment of stress or crisis. While yes sometimes we do react to stressors differently than "Earth People", we do not always fall apart when someone over cooks our bacon, or tofu for you vegan freaks out there. I have and have had friends who will talk to me like I am egg rolling on the edge of the countertop just about to fall. I to have faced to assumption that my illnesses effects stops me from making any sound decisions in my life.

  These behaviors from people around us can lead us to closet our illness and not talk openly about them. So many other people I know who live every day with a mental illness will always mention this one nag that grates on them worse than Nancy Grace on 5 cans of 4Loco. " Have you taken your meds?"

 While I understand the worry and concern comes from a loving place, it usually seems like when ever we get excited about something or sad about something, someone, somewhere will ask us about our meds. Even when taking meds our moods may change, our illness may manifest in different ways, but it does not mean we are advancing in our illness or facing Thumper in the rabbithole.

Being open about Mental Illness brings on whole new sets of Stigma, and a lot of it comes from a loving place. Yes when I am manic I get sewing machine legs, I also get it when I am excited, or nervous. Same with my rapid talking. It comes and goes with my mood and will become pronounced when I am riding my Manic Unicorn to Fruitloopville.

  If someone you know is living with a mental illness, yes look out for them, I appreciate it when it done for me. But try and resist the "Have you taken your meds" line of questioning. It is a pet peeve of most of us with a mental illness. Also to others out there try and not assume that because we live with a mental illness that our cognitive  skills are less than yours. I am lucky to have amazing people in my life who see me not me with a illness. That is the most difficult thing for anyone who knows someone with a serious mental illness to do, is to see the person, not the person with a disease. I am also blessed to have a best friend who sees me as me.

Day 10 Of The Badger Goes Mental " Depression, Meds & Tobacco, Jebus Give Me Strength"

Sorry for the odd timed posts of late, I was finding it difficult to write every evening before bed as sometimes I want to spend time with my visitors and not feel rushed so I will now post at my leisure. My roommate is now gone sent home and I had one night alone, I successfully fought off the urge to dance, as a nurse could just walk in and see my junk in it's ungroomed glory. You see knocking before entering seems to be a issue in hospital, they just enter like your university friend in the dorm who just scored a dime bag and a copy of "Forest Hump".  A simple knock and brief pause would be civilized, and not my least favorite know whilst opening the door, who the fuck does that. In some places in Alberta or Idaho that would get you shot.

   Still battling my depression I am up I am down lately I am down more than up kinda like ATT's 3g service. So I soldier on. I have also taken the first steps in quiting smoking, I know Holy Shit!!!! The Badger is Quiting Smoking...The end times must be neigh. For a while now my smoking has been more of addiction than joy, a giant Smokey monkey on my back. The addiction to nicotine is worse than heroin and not as bad as meth but it is very tough. I have smoked for years it was my mistress always there when I needed her. She was with me when I was sad, happy, after a full tummy and after good sex. Now I sent her packing with the help of a patch and  gum. I will let you know when I commit my first homicide over a bus seat or a well done steak.

  Today I bantered around in twitter land in a discussion about meds for nuts. Taking meds is a persons right as is not taking them, it is personal decision. Unless you are a danger to you or others I feel you should never be forced to take them.  I have been on some form of  Psych med since I was 16, My liver is the Keith Richards liver of Crazy Pills I have taken them all. Some stop working for me, some made me fat, really fat, some made me dizzy. I am pretty good meds right now. The one thing I do know is the mind of someone with mental illness will tell them they feel better and, "Why Not Stop The Meds" "I Can Manage With Out Them" .... BULL SHIT... If  you are on meds and "Well" then when you are off them "Not Well" take your fucking meds if not for you for your family, friends, coworkers and random strangers. If you talk to mental health professionals you will find the number 1 reason why people return to hospital is Med Compliance they stop taking their meds. Sure there are websites that say take this supplement and you will be fine, again I call Bull Shit, a fucking banana and a pear will not change your brain chemistry anymore than walking thru a hospital makes you a doctor.

 I perfect example of the "NO MEDS" are good meds camp is the Cult Of Scientology they professes a hate towards mental health care and instead use vitamins , diet and e-meters and we know how well that seems to be working for our favorite , gay midget actor Tom Cruise. Yes diet can help to make you better yes getting off the sofa and just going for a walk releases chemicals of pleasure in your brain, But before you decide to stop taking your meds or changing your meds talk with your doctor, and consult a dietitian. because a healthy diet will make you feel better. Except in my case where I live for fried foods, organ meats and cheese

"Insomnia & The Things I Have Learned"

Sleep is a mystery to me, I have suffered from one form or another of Insomnia since my wife passed away. I used to think it was connected to my bi-polar, but soon I realized that when I am Manic i do not sleep at all. Now I sleep around 3 to 4 hours a night.  Not to mention extreme difficulty falling asleep. I have tried everything, from yoga to pills. I stopped the pills due to the fact that no matter what they say, they can be addicting, and they make every thing taste like the rusty bumper off an old ford.
 Today I just go with it, I sleep when my body and mind says sleep you jack ass. I have learned much in the nocturnal world here are a few;

• Infomercials: I know them all, and at times have felt the urge to buy a bowflex, or a slap chop. But i know that the bowflex will become a 2 grand clothes rack and the slap chop will make me want to kill the shame wow guy. I also really want one of those old people bath tubs with a door. But now that I own a boat that is out of the question.  
• Sleeping Habits of Dogs: I have studied the sleeping habits of my dog "Newton" He talks in his sleep ( i think he is chasing squirrels) and he wakes up every hour to inspect the boat to make sure no interlopers are aboard. He walks the same route every time and always brings his stuffed G.W. Bush doll to bed with him.
• Food: I live in downtown Vancouver and there are no diners like in NY. There is a Denny's but I can not bring myself to eat there unless I am drunk ( and then I only order Moons over my Hammy) or it is my B-day and I get a free meal. I also have a 7-11 up the st. and the clerk will always give me free pizza and slurpies. 
• Road Trips: Late night road trips are fun, the roads are empty and I can get to the 24 hour Target in Bellingham Washington pretty quickly, there are never lines at the border at 3 am.
• Wandering the hood: I do this alot and I have learned that skunks rule the west end of Vancouver, and that the Mcdonalds has late night shopping cart parking for the local homeless.
• Productivity: I am very productive because of my added hours, I write, surf the net, do some mundane work crap, organize my sock drawer, and of all things ironing.