NaBloPoMo Day 8 " And Shoes Fall From The Sky"

Waiting for the other shoe to fall, it is past time for many and not just people like me with living with a mental illness. But for us it can take us for a emotional and behavioral ride that even Chicken Little could not imagine. Yes it is ok to worry, we all do it and it is natural but for me worrying that that shoe will drop leads me into my Bipolar tail chasing. My personal Chicken Little syndrome is about fear of abandonment or that I will be disappointed by or that I will disappoint someone .

 Some may see my easy going, what happens, happens attitude as a extreme type "B" personality but it is only a survival skill that I have developed over the years. Life will always fling poo in the path of my journey and if I walk around expecting said poo to land on my face I can spend little to enjoy the journey for what it is, and yes that includes the occasional poo in face.

 Will people hurt me, probably, will life fuck with me yup, but it also does that to everyone else. The difference is that with me it could trigger my depression and anxiety in a second if I do not take a step backwards. I am a overly sensitive person I react badly to situations which trigger my emotions. I have made a attempt in my life whenever I can not to expect the shoe to drop but to see the sky beyond and the place I am in right now.

For the people living with mental illness we have had thousands of shoes drop some big some small and a lot hurt when they hit you. It is easy for us to focus on the shoe that may or may not come and soon that shoe is big enough for Mother Goose to use as a time share in Boca. The point of this is. I cannot avoid my feelings and worries, but I can try to understand them and spend too much energy letting them feed in my head.  Even Chicken Little learned that the sky is not always falling and we are all smarter than poultry.

NaBloPoMo Day 4 " Mix One Part Chronic Pain With Two Parts Crazy & Get a Screwed Up Badger"

Bedsides my mental illness I also suffer from Chronic and severe pain. I am used to living each day in physical pain I have no choice and you somewhat get used to it. But on other days my pain is so bad that I am unable to function like anywhere near a normal physical level.

 Today my spine pain was so severe mixed with a condition called Cauda Equina Syndrome  caused me to shit and piss myself, I am also suffering from loss of feeling in my genitals. I am scared, in pain and mix that with my anxiety and depression and I am a pretty fucked up person. I may have to have surgery early next week if the swelling and self shitting continues.

 I am not good at being cared for, I am used to being the care giver or being alone, that is what I know and this behavior of keeping everything to me has and is destroying personal relationships. By behavior is my fault and mine alone. I am fighting to change this but it is not going as smooth and easy as I would like. My selfish attitude must change because right now I am frankly being a asshole.

NaBloPoMo Day 1 " 30 Things I am Willing to Do Or Not Do To Stay Sane"

It is NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) again whereas one should write a post everyday for 30 days. Last year I attempted this while I was a brand new and yet to be trolled baby blogger and made it 12 days. This year I am a year older wiser and more maybe less nuts who knows. I am not raising any money this year as everyone is screwed from the economy and I am raising money for "Movember" whilst I grow facial hair resembling a 70's porn star or Tom Selleck maybe a mix of both. You can donate for that HERE.

 What I am going to do in my never ending battle to fight Mental Health Stigma is write a post everyday on what I will do and what I would not do to keep myself sane and healing. Hoping to use humor and facts to debunk some of the stand alone remedies for mental illness I will also mention healthy positive ideas to improve mentally healthy living for people suffering with Mental Illness and those who care for and love them. I will also mention a Bipolar Hero of the Day at the bottom of all my posts this month.

DAY ONE:

WHAT I WONT DO TO STAY SANE:

Might as well start with a biggie , Scientology! The cult of Scientology has waged a war on mental health care for years, claiming medications are evil and destroy the souls of humans. They think space aliens and made by cult member lie detectors are far, far effective and keeping folks from suffering depression. This treatment lasts only as long as your back account still have cash in it. They Xenu will cover your body with spare straight theatans from Tom Cruises body. They have created false Psychiatry organizations showing fake sciencey data that only "Their" ($$$$) vitamins and spending time all sweaty in  sauna with guys like Tommy boy can treat your mania.

WHAT I WILL DO TO STAY SANE:

 I will take my Meds and take them as prescribed by my Physician. Today's meds may have some bad side effects like (Midnight Dorito Consumption Syndrome) or (Nothing Will Fit me at American Eagle Outfitters Disorder). These meds do work once you and your medical professional find the right fit. No one likes taking pills face it but the alternative in my life is far worse and could kill me and I know most of you do not wish me dead. Also because that one pill works well does not mean you should eat them like a bag of skittles in the hands of a 6 year old. Over taking your meds is just as dangerous if not more.

My Bipolar Hero of the Day!


Carrie Fisher / Actress/ Writer / Bat Shit Crazy and Wonderful